By Simran Raja
A note before you read: this piece discusses mental health, self-harm and suicide. Please take care while reading, and see the support resources at the end.
What is my journey to Westminster? Well, to understand my journey, we have to go back in time, back to six-year-old Sim.
As a six-year-old, I probably only loved London because there were loads of pretty lights, and it was awake and alive all the time, and I was always awake too. Or maybe it was because London meant I could escape my life at the time.
I’ve been struggling with my mental health since I was about six. I didn’t really understand it. I just knew that I was sad, and that it felt like the middle of my chest was hollow, as though someone had carved an actual hole into it.
As I grew, I learned how to deal with it, how to cope in my own ways. But fast forward ten years, and it all came bubbling over. That began a three-year depressive episode, which entailed a lot of heartbreak, a lot of upset, a lot of tears, a lot of self-harm, three suicide attempts, and a trip to the psych ward. I just about made it out by the skin of my teeth. I somehow survived all of it, not just physically, but mentally, and I made it out.
Even then, London felt so far-fetched. “Oh, maybe one day. One day I’ll get to London. One day that’ll be my reality.” But it was always out of reach. And so I learned to deal with the life that I had.
At the beginning of this year, I broke up with my long-term partner, and I was homeless, literally and emotionally. I thought, maybe that one day has arrived, and that became the goal: to make it to London. And so I did. It just goes to show that sometimes surviving is the only way through.
I’m not really sure how I made it to this point. If I’m honest, I didn’t think I would. I didn’t really envision anything past 16, and here I am at nearly 23, having almost finished my first semester at university in London. And I am so grateful that, all those times I gave in, something kept me here, and I kept going.
So, if you need any help or support, please reach out to university services, or call Samaritans on 116 123. Their lines are open 24/7, 365 days a year. Get the help you need. I did, and I am finally living. It’s taken me almost 17 years to get to this point, but I’m finally living, and I cannot wait to find out what’s next. And hopefully, along the way, I can heal little Sim.
If you need support
If you are struggling, you are not alone, and help is available.
- Samaritans — call 116 123, free, any time, day or night, or email jo@samaritans.org
- Shout — text SHOUT to 85258 for free, 24/7 crisis support by text
- University of Westminster Student Wellbeing Services — [add the current link or contact]
- In an emergency, or if someone is in immediate danger, call 999
